The Opposite of Love is Not Hate but Indifference
by asiacheetah
Summary: Hephaestion starts to realize an unpleasant truth.
1. Chapter 1

**The Opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference**

[Author's note: This is my first attempt at an Alexander fan fiction. This could be a one-shot or continue to a longer story. I really don't know if I have enough of a personal voice for writing in this fandom. I discovered the world of Alexander through other fan fictions before ever reading about it or watching the Oliver Stone movie. My personal opinion might be too formed by other writers on this board. Either way, this is my little contribution to this fandom.]

Warning: none

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><p>Hephaestion's POV<p>

There are all kinds of love: platonic love, brotherly love, passionate love, familial love, serene love. Then there's the lesser known form of love, the opposite side of the coin, hate.

At one point or another, I had felt all those emotions toward Alexander: my King, my lover, my friend, and at times my enemy. I can feel all those different emotions toward him, but never indifference. Sometimes for my sanity I crave for that elusive calm, to be divorced from my emotions and the corresponding pain.

I couldn't blame him though; it was my own fault for having made him my entire world from an early age. It was my own decision to fall hopelessly in love with my best friend. My decision to leave the only home I've ever known behind to follow my sun blindly and faithfully. My own fault for offering my heart, my body, my everything before he would ever ask for it. I had freely given my entire being away to him and never asked for anything in return.

It was human nature to take for granted what was freely given to you. Since I had never demanded anything from him, it was easy for him to take me for granted, to discard me like a forgotten toy to one day rediscover and played with once again. That has always been the dynamics between us. One day I would be all that Alexander had eyes and passion for, and then just as mercurial as the weather, it would all change with me forgotten, waiting in the wings to be rediscovered once more.

Everything was changing now. I don't know what had caused the change, but I noticed that inner turmoil boiling beneath the surface for days, weeks, months, and truthfully for years now. At some point it no longer fulfilled my need just to be noticed by my King, my Alexander.

That was the catalyst. My subconscious had been trying to draw my attention to it for eternity, until the day I finally discovered the truth. He was no longer MY Alexander. And now I wonder, had he ever been mine to begin with or had I been fooling myself this whole time.

With that truth blaring unpleasantly through my head, stabbing deeply into my heart with every reminder, every neglect, every perceived slight, I feel that love I held unreservedly toward him drain away. I hope when I lance the pain and drain the wound, it would not be hate that remained in me, but rather indifference. But I knew deep in my defeated heart, I could never feel indifference to my own personal sun.


	2. Chapter 2

[Author's note: I was completely surprised when my demon muse woke up suddenly and decided to continue this particular story, which I always thought of as a one-shot. Since my scatter brained muse didn't really give me a full story, I tried to adapt it to this week's prompt. Not too successfully I'm afraid so I apologize up front. As always, please comment.]

**Chapter 2 – The Man in the Shadows**

Warning: angst, angst and a side of angst

Prompt: I'm Sorry

Word count: 202

Hephaistion's POV

I had never minded being in the shadows. Alexander presence was so magnetic and commanding, that he left a broad shadow around him. Unlike others who sought glory and honors, I never needed any of that. I was perfectly content working in the shadow, carrying out Alexander's wishes, sometimes even before he knew it himself.

I never minded because Alexander had always found a way to show his appreciation. It might be a rare night dinning alone together, a piece of honey cake delivered on the behest of the King, or a small token of affection. As the years past, those acknowledgement of his appreciation dwindled until I'm left with scraps of his attention. He had truly relegated me to the shadows.

For months now I've been slowly coming to the realization that Alexander never needed me as much as I do him. I've been attempting to lance the pain deep in my heart, but the sorrow there seemed endless. I wish one day that all the regret, heartbreak, and grief would drain and for me to finally be free. However, I knew that with just one simple 'I'm sorry' from Alexander, I would willingly fall back into the shadows once more.


End file.
